for how long do i have to go through this all. i doubt about every word you say. every promise you make, i know you are going to break it. how can i trust you, how can i count on you. i cant build a future with someone who isnt there for me. i need someone to rely on, but you let me down every time over and over again. you run around to others, like i will wait for you forever. you know i will, thats my weakness. you never listen to something i say. my head is full with these kind of questions... whos going to answer them?

some people think they are all that. have expectations from others but dont live by those themself. that you have fans doensnt mean you own the world. you are just like every normal human. so get of your imagenated throne. be a rolemodel be something i want to be. but right now you are a fugly monster on your throne.

Right now, i feel so little and so alone. The closest people walking on this world are treating me like trash. And the person who means the world to me doesnt has time for me. I can talk to no one... so i decided to talk here. I don't know how much longer i can hold this, live here. I want to walk away and never return. Their talk, their screaming, their words, their rules. It's like i do nothing right. I'm not pathetic. But i just don't feel happy. I do want to be happy and i try! But, everytime i walk in that room. They suck my happiness away like some hungry vampires. I want to talk with someone who totally understands me and can comfort me and give me that love and attention i need. Because i get it nowhere anymore. 

i dont like masks. i like sunglasses. people see a beautiful smile, but they dont see the windows to my soul. i might be happy, but i could be hurted?

someone once told me. you only life once. in that case my life motto will be "fuck it" but my question is... will i come far with it?

you learned me to care less. why care about people who dont care about you. every person has a wall build around them, mine was down... i was standing there. ready for everyone, to help them. i try to be a good person a good friend, give them advice. but what all those people did. they stepped on me they buildozerd over me. running to another person with a wall around him. they think i nag, while i only care and wish the best for them. you know what people...im gonna build it too. but those who stepped on me, are never gonna enter it again. i learn myself that i should not care about ohers. you let me down? dont come back, dont need you. be careless and free. fuck off bitches.

I just broke a mirror guys... it's only a mirror. everyone directly starts yelling at me. I am confused? what did i do wrong. I broke My mirrow and I'm cleanin it up. so what's your problem. I ask you polite to talk calm to me. And your reaction is ''What talking to you calm?!''. Well that was just it and you keep complaining. You know... i just want to make you proud. You can say i live for it. But i never hear a compliment, you never praise me. No, you just complain about every little damn thing i do wrong. And when i do something good? Big or small, it stays quiet on your side. Can i.. can i ever do it good enough for you.

how can a thought like that set my mind at ease and something thats happening between us breaking my heart?
the state of my mind is one big mess... i have to think. i have to talk with you. i know im expecting things from you to understand, but i couldn't understand the same situation with you. but now i see that i do things you and i dont like... im willing to change that. be more understanding, give you more freedom. and at the same time put effort in us. im am willing to change for you. are you ? can you give me space too.. be understanding when i say something without being annoyed. and at the same time put effort in the little things what keeps us together..? i know we have our ups and downs, it's normal but our downs.. are not normal. we're like loving and hating. it's not your fault or mine. it's us together in it.. and we gotta fix it together, like one. can we? can we have it back? the flame, the chemistry, the sparkling when we kiss. you say things to me, that makes me want to say ''ahww baby i love you''. you mean it when you say it but, are you going to make it happen? baby i love you with my whole heart and soul, but if we can't make this happen.. i sadly have to say this is the end.

i'll let you find out if you really love me, but in the meanwhile i'm thinking about things too.. i feel that i love you, and i care about you. so if i'm putting so much pressure on you that you feel like a prisoner. shouldn't i let you go? i see you laughing, having fun with other people.. you tell them what's going on in your head. i'm just hurting you without knowing it.. even how much i miss you right now, how i am crying now.. i do, i really love you. i just have to face the truth and accept the pain. you ain't coming back. you won't find your love for me again. i'll let you go. because you are only suffering from my love. i won't fight for you this time.. i am pretty sure you will find someone who can give you the love that you need, makes you smile and wins your trust.

i just want you to be happy.

''in the 7th heaven with my head in the sky, i space when i think of you.

when i see you i see a star. you're beautiful as the rising sun.''

''drop hugs and kisses like rain. fights melt like snow.

you+me is untamed water, nothin can hold it down.''

created by J.R

best seconds of my life.

<3

Every time you kiss me.

Feeling your lips against mine.

close my eyes

mute the sound

feel my heart jumpin

so soft and full with love ..

those seconds are so precious

forgot every bad thing

forgot the whole world

U and I

stare in your eyes..

and i kiss you again

dedicated to my Mr.Lo

J.R

the path of life

keep your head up, smile and shine.

choices and chances

the choice you make and the chance you let go

it all will decide your future.

believe in you believe in god and

you will follow the right path of choices and chances

''You have the small path and the wide path..which one would you choose?''

~

I need you like...

yin and yang need each other

- J.R

he will do it all

do you want your true love now or do you want your freedom now.
i would choose true love because,
he will cherish me like no one will do.
he will be proud that im his.
he will move me like no other.
he will make me happy, day nd night.
he will stand in the rain to apologize.
he will love me for who i am.
he will be by my side till eternity.
Stars..write it in the sky that im waiting for him.

True one

I won't look, i won't search or find. My true one will look, search and find me..